"And they all lived happily ever after." This famous final sentence of many fairy tales sums up a deep human longing: the longing for lasting love and belonging.
This promise is ingrained in our cultural memory through countless stories of heroic princes and brave princesses who defy the odds, find each other, and live happily ever after. The primal human need to love and be loved runs like a red thread through stories from almost every era and culture. But heart-warming though they may be, they often paint a picture of love that cannot be reconciled with reality.
So many marriages fail! What began with hope all too often ends in painful divorce. Our Western culture of individualism and self-centredness certainly contributes to this. The media glorifies fleeting relationships and irresponsible behaviour, while men and women come together with expectations and ideas that leave little room for the reality of the other. Frustration and disappointment follow, all too often leading to a destructive end. In retrospect, marriage is often perceived as a constraint. It is not uncommon for young couples to encounter disillusioned people who might say something like, "You're getting married? Oh, I'm sorry for you!"
But it's not just relationships that are disintegrating before our eyes, it's also the value of the family. Children are growing up in an age where they are taught that 'freedom' is the greatest good, without the guiding hand of those who love them most. Parents and children often do not have a healthy relationship or are continuing open conflicts from previous generations. How many of us have experienced suffering, pain, and sorrow in the very places where we needed security, love, and a safe home from an early age?
The question inevitably arises: Can that which we so deeply long for even exist? God says clearly: Yes! From the very first pages of the Bible, we are given a vision of marriage and family as the cornerstone of society. "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). This has always been God's plan for marriage: a deep, indissoluble unity that goes far beyond physical union and is rooted in the spiritual and emotional bond between two people.
Marriage is not just a social contract, but a sacred covenant made before God. We can only fully understand this covenant if we have understood its origin: God's love for us human beings. This love is expressed in Jesus Christ: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (Ephesians 5:25). Wow! That's a high standard! But it is this example of selfless love that makes marriages work and keeps families together. God's love is patient, kind, does not envy or boast. It is not selfish, hot-tempered or resentful (cf. 1 Corinthians 13:7).
This does not mean, however, that it is easy to follow this example. Our selfish nature pulls us in the opposite direction. We know only too well the painful consequences. But this is precisely where God offers us help. Being in a relationship with Him means being transformed where our sinful nature limits us. He calls us to be faithful partners, honest friends, and reliable co-workers. Loving parents who raise their children with God's wisdom. People willing to serve their neighbours.
Since getting married myself a few years ago, I have come to realise more and more that an intact family is an invaluable gift. God has designed it not only as a source of love, strength, peace and hope for me and those around me, but also – and perhaps more importantly – as a reminder of the true source of life.
The model of marriage and family that God shows us today is increasingly being questioned and attacked in our society. It is in this context that I am called to make an important choice: Do I look at marriage and family with the superficiality and transience of a culture alienated from God? Or do I want to consciously turn to God and allow Him to change me in spite of my own inadequacies? I find time and again that turning to God brings genuine love, sincere respect, and selfless devotion into my life. And this principle applies beyond the family. I have realised that no matter where I am or what has gone wrong, happiness starts with my decision to seek God's closeness, to let Him renew me, and to learn from Him how to act in a truly loving way. This is the only way to experience what we humans are so longing for.
Bible texts for in-depth study:
Genesis 2:18-25; Exodus 20:12, 14, 17; Deuteronomy 6:5-9; Proverbs 22:6; Malachi 2:13-16; 3:23-24; Matthew 19:3-12; Mark 10:2-16; John 2:1-11; 1 Corinthians 7:7, 10, 11; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Ephesians 5:21-33; 6:1-4